Full Spectrum Communications | NLP, Ericksonian Hypnosis, Magic and General Wizardry

Pattern: Basic Rapport Skills

Rapport skills are at the very core of successful NLP application. This doesn't mean you have to BE in rapport with someone, but you must be conscious of your levels of rapport in order to most effectively choose how to apply your skills.

Rapport, when observed in natural settings, consists of similar behaviors and seemingly shared ideas. Rapport creates an unconscious impression that "This person is just like me", and we tend to like people who are like us.

When people are in rapport, there tends to be a similarity of body posture and movements, ways of expression, voice tone and tempo, etc. Watch two people sometime who are obviously having a great conversation and you'll see these things in action. When one shifts position slightly, the other will respond with a similar shift. If one leans forward, soon after, so will the other. There's a pace at which one will take a sip of a drink, then the other, etc.

Knowing this consciously, now, you can begin to imagine how you might generate better rapport with someone you wish to get to know better, or to create rapport in a sales situation, etc. Dressing similarly to the person(s) you will be interacting with is a good start. Stand or sit in a similar posture, but be sure to avoid mimicry- we have a built-in mimic detector, and people will at the least think you're a bit touched, and at worst be quite offended, if they feel mimicry from you. Remember to approximate a behavior, not duplicate it.

Good examples of what is referred to as Crossover Mirroring are things such as- if they scratch their nose, you adjust your glasses; if they tap their foot, you tap your thumb on your arm (or side, or something- appropriate!) very lightly.

Matching Breathing is one of the most powerful rapport tools you have available. You can begin to generate an unconscious rapport with someone across a room by simply matching their breathing rate with yours, or with a crossover analogue, such as rocking slightly in sync with their breathing, or slightly nodding your head in sync with their breathing, etc. This is often a process you will want to begin as far in advance of your actually interacting with the person as is reasonably possible.

Words are another powerful thing to match. People who use visual words to relate their thoughts are thinking in pictures, so speak to them in their language, they will find you to be a bright person who shines at conversation, and will likely be more willing to shed light on any subject you you may have questions on.

People who speak using auditory words will really click with you if you use words that resonate with their way of listening to their world. They will likely sense that you are really in tune with them, and will report having a harmonious conversation with you if asked.

People who speak using kinesthetic words (feeling oriented) will feel they are standing on more solid ground with you if you give them wording they can get a firm grasp on. They enjoying having a concrete foundation on which to build a close bond and can then feel balanced enough to take the next steps forward.

There are also many people who relate experience in what is defined as "digital" language, language which is devoid of sensory-oriented references. When speaking with these people, it is often of equal value to match their style of communication by representing your thoughts in a similar manner, editing your style to match this very digitized method of information interchange.

Summary

Appearance; Voice Tone, Tempo; Posture and Movements; Wording of Speech. To create rapport with someone make all of these "output channels" approximate the output channels of the person you are interacting with, without mimicry. Use your sensory accuity to get feedback about whether you are doing the right thing, too much, or too little. Continue to do the things that increase rapport; stop doing the things that decrease rapport!